have just

got my ass handed to me by leeds fest. have a serious cold, a burnt tongue and a head full of happy memories. and snot. i'll be back when i'm alive.

fucking fuck

AARGHHHHHHHHH FUCKING UNIVERSITY ONLINE APPLICATION IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE FUCKS SAKES RRAGAHHHHHHHHHH
i might actually be sick, i am that angry

oh my life

i have just returned from the gym, because sometimes i actually go instead of just saying i will, and it was horrible. i went on the treadmill because after hovering near the cross trainer for five minutes shyly pressing buttons like i was trying to ask it on a date, the girl next to me told me it was turned off. i think she thought i was loitering because i fancied her, which i didn't. she wasn't my type at all. so i went on the treadmill until i thought i was going to die. when i left i had a sensationally red face, like terrifyingly red, and i started walking home. then some horrid mean boys laughed at me and asked me what was wrong with my face. i completely did not know what to say though. i just grimaced like a red-faced loon. it seemed unfair that i got abuse for trying to lose weight and be healthy, if anything they should have been saying 'that sheen of sweat on your moustache area and forehead are a sign of hard work and dedication. well done'
but no.
i have downloaded monkey island special edition for the xbox to reward myself for being soooo excellent and going to the gym. so that's all i'll be doing tonight, along with eating a jacket potato and fuming silently about my shameful glowing face. god, why does my scalp have to sweat? there's so much hair that it all gets wet at the roots and makes me look like i don't wash.
i'm going to have a bath now because i smell of gym and sweat, and the smell is quite violent.

absolute

favourite song. it helps that it's raining and i can look out of the window dreamily as it plays. i'm going to dye my hair pink again so i won't look scruffy and rootalicious anymore. you might even get a picture, you lucky lucky people. (if i post one, listen to the song below while you look at it. it will make me seem prettier and like i should be in garden state being an indie hipster like zack thingie from scrubs)

kjhfsd

one of the plethora of things i hate is fashion. just pretty much in its entirety. or at least i hate high fashion, with all the wanky designers and ridiculous price tags. i especially hate people who try and be trendy, because you just know if those weird giant legged aladdin trousers weren't in magazines and worn by celebrities that they'd mock the shit out of people for wearing them. if assless chaps come into fashion they'd wear them and think they were hot shit.
so
STOP WEARING UGG BOOTS
STOP WEARING ALADDIN'S TROUSERS
STOP WEARING PRETENDY ALL SAINTS BOOTS
STOP TUCKING YOUR JEANS IN AT THE ANKLE
STOP WEARING BODY WARMERS
STOP WEARING MILITARY GEAR
STOP WEARING CROPPED JACKETS
STOP WEARING ALL OF THIS SHIT
I BEG FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, MAKE ME HAPPY AND LEARN TO FUCKING DRESS YOURSELVES

gar pt. 2

there is a kitten biting my left hand as i type this, it is the kitten in the pictures. he is pure evil, but i like him. he's got chutzpah. and obviously that is me holding him (admire my excellent 'clarissa explains it all' jeans), on my bed, next to my picture wall version 2.
check out his crazy little crack eyes in the fourth picture!

the third picture is by an artist who's name i've forgotten. but i like his donkey.

the second picture is of my new tattoo, having been published on ugliesttattoos.com. HAHA. kidding.
or am i?

the first picture you will have seen before on this blog. it is the tits tee by vivienne westwood, screened in 1960 something, and the tee-shirt i want the most in the world ever. i would do anything to own and wear that tee-shirt. i would probably spend the rest of my life only eating bladders just to wear it for a day. maybe two days, let's not exaggerate.

jesus, i was typing there and the devil kitten lunged at my typing hands and made me jump horrible. demon animal
AND AGAIN, JESUS WHAT A FRIGHT

gar

never did i think the day would come that i'd lady-fancy kate nash, but lo and behold, it has. maybe it's because we share a name and i am nothing if not a pitiful narcissist.

i had an awesome day at work. it was less than unbearable, which is a synonym really. i went in and my supervisor wasn't in, so it was me all day. awesome because i get to pick the music (kings of leon actually sucked though, like i hadn't seen that coming) and because i can dance in the stock room sometimes, but not awesome because i am left alone to my own devices. and the devices are rarely productive nor wisely thought out. i spent the whole day mindlessly tidying up and sneaking to the stock room to eat flapjack and drink cherry coke. and hide from customers. a guy phoned up to make an enquiry about an, to use his words, 'adult video'. he asked if i could check if it was in the shop and give me the reference number that was on the hmv website and i was like no it'll be different, you'll have to give me the name. and the name was 'tixie licks'. BLAAGHRHHH VOMIT. that is the name of a CHILDRENS COUGH SYRUP. i don't know if that is a coincedence, a dirty pun, or a dvd where people throw cough syrup on each other and fuck, but my god how i laughed. i had to set the phone down while i laughed and laughed and laughed. i couldn't pick it up again until the tremors had subsided. we didn't even have it in either, i had to disappoint the syrup pervert. this guy had the voice of a maths teacher i swear. and plus, why didn't he just order it off the internet? he wouldn't have had to embarass himself and no-one would know. or, actually, why not just watch it for free on the internet?? he must be a tradionalist and actually want the dvd. surprised he went for a kinky syrup theme, but hey i'm not here to judge. why he rang a games basement about a porn dvd though, is unfathomable. but enough about that business.
i haven't slept properly since i moved into my new flat, the mattress is unbearably awful and uncomfortable. people have said so many times now that i look ill. the purple bags under my eyes, long mousey roots and baby pink faded hair are admittedly not my best look though. i'm so pale that i actually have a royal blue network of veins all down my inner arms and from neck to stomach. i pretty much have a blue webby chest not unlike spiderman. sexy eh? although i have actually lost quite a bit of weight now so at least i'm not fat and pale. i'm slimmer and pale. slightly better. i'm pretty sure the lack of sleep is not helping my brain though, i feel parts of it falling away, like a wet cake.
urrghhhh..
don't worry, i'm not going to do a poem again. that was quite a terrible idea on my part. sorry.