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**this is a bit of a short story i am working on i promise i am a writer and i write things i promise pinky promise no backsies i will post the full thing when it's done**

If the sky is what is above us, then the sky in every chain music shop is a mess of silver glowing pipes and ducts ribbed with thick white veins. Matt H. and Kev, and Matt. S and Paul; I knew them in the way people in the same chain know each other. Social interactions like peripheral vision; you saw them in regional memos in team photos, or you saw them at biannual northeast parties at the sour damp carpeted venues hired out. We all shared the same sky. Every day spent under the dull reflections the pipes cast. The weather never changed for any of us. Outside it could have been snowing or glowing hot but in the shops, everything stayed the same.

The only exception to the unchanging forecast for them was October the 22^nd 2002. The day Rod Stewart’s collection of big band covers of classic American songs was released. Rod glowed out of the plastic cases of a thousand CDs in his white dress shirt, toothy and wrinkled like leather. The pipes caught glints off the cases and shone them back down, and it seemed almost like a sunny day. Outside, not that anyone could have known, it was raining; huge grey tears poured onto the slick concrete. Inside they were safe in their world of black rubber floors with thick raised pads like Braille and fluorescent lights and Rod Stewart’s dead eyes winking from every plastic display cut-out. Tills sang a monotonous symphony of beeps and clicks. It had been a hard day for most of us: I was coming down with a flu that made the world feel filmy and slimy like a rotten pond. Karen had been through a particularly bad break-up with Matt S. and had refused to work on the till next to him, and let big black tears run down her face silently all morning.

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seeing as i never actually do anything of any value, this evening found me in a creative frame of mind. probably because watching tv cannot possibly be fun any more after how much i watch so my brain is telling me to use it or watch it atrophy into a puddle.
anywayz i continue to be a purveyor of the fabulous service of okcupid, and have continued my research with journalistic integrity and aplomb via screencapping weird messages and sulking when nobody pays me any attention. it's a learning experience and i continue to grow spiritually every day that i log in.












THINGS OKCUPID HAS TAUGHT ME

1. people just do not like my personality/sense of humour. for an overwhelming proportion of my life i have been able to speak, and i think everything has just been going downhill since that began. i curry reasonable favour via being reasonably pleasant to look at, and then i ruin everything by speaking. this is the general consensus. just look at that guy who solely said that to me. it's something i have been told a lot in my life. it makes me understand how cheryl cole feels a bit. and i don't like that one bit. is it time to give up and become mute? NEVER. until the end of my days will i think it's appropriate to be obnoxious and vocal about everything.

2. men do not like rejection. like not one bit. if they come onto you all 'hey sexy' and you're like 'ew get away' they suddenly start insulting you like nobody's business. like children losing at games of monopoly and tipping the board over and screaming. it's terrifying! are some men really so stupid that they think they are entitled to say whatever they want to a woman with absolutely no recognition of the fact that she's a human being? fuck everything!

3. dating websites break down any kind of social barriers and or reasonable expectations of social behaviour. people just say things like it's going out of style to be a cock and they want to get it out of their systems.

4. some guys like to wear tights.

i will keep yall updated in case i find a belgian prince. here's hoping.

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in lieu of actually reading the book i was assigned at university (the good soldier, in which everyone commits suicide and has affairs which sounds excellent on paper and somehow is actually depressing as hell) i decided i would do literally anything except read it. which naturally brings me to my blog. my little space of the internet. that's how i like to think of it, there's a teeny tiny space on the internet that i have, and it's mine, and i can do with it what i please.

THINGS THAT CHEER ME UP WHEN I AM SAD

1. IKEA
i am not sure what the lure of ikea is, but ever since i was little ikea makes me feel like everything is alright. walking around looking at all the lovely foreign names, getting plates of meatballs with jam on them, buying useless delightful home items, it all just makes sends me to a happy place. i thought seeing 500 days of summer would marr that slightly because zooey deschanel shits on everything i love and makes it twee filmy balls, but not even she can touch ikea. it's like heaven to me.

2. THE OFFICE
i will specify: i saw the office when i was about fifteen and thought it was absolutely shit. i only just started watching it again recently and realised what an absolutely brilliant thing it is. i'm pretty sure david brent is my spiritual animal. i've seen some of the office us but it just doesn't seem the same to me. plus it doesn't have this:


which is exactly, as an englishman, how i dance. when it reaches 00:52 i am in tears, every time. but something about the office, like with ikea, makes me feel like life is ok. maybe it's because it takes me back to being fifteen, when my biggest problem was the fact that i had motley crue hair and couldn't find anyone to buy me booze. those two things are still problems but i'm now seeking help.

3. GETTING A COFFEE
i'm attributing this to being a middle class white girl mostly but getting a takeout coffee always cheers me up and makes me think in my little head that i look like a grownup because that's what grownups do they get takeout coffee and then they send faxes or whatever. starbucks soothes the repressed suburbian soul.

4. READING TRASHY TEENAGE FICTION
if it has the words 'teen' 'girl' or 'kissing' on the blurb somewhere i'll read it. for funsies. doing a degree where you talk about proper boring books really makes you long for nothing but inane teenage drama hence my obsession with the oc. although in all fairness i was obsessed with the oc when it came out so maybe that's irrelevant.

5. MAKING SOMETHING
it doesn't matter what it is, but it must involve glueing things. i love to glue things to other things. and when i create a new thing with glue and things i am thrilled. sometimes i just glue things for no reason.

6. CHEESE
oh my lord i love cheese. it is just the most delicious soul cleansing food on this earth. if there are aliens out there the only reason they would come to earth would be to have cheese. unless they have something better than cheese in which case they should share. i don't like blue cheese but other than that i am pretty much for all cheese. brie and anything with cranberry are my favies. my mum got me a cheese plate for christmas and i ate the whole thing. in fact in retrospect i don't think she even specifically got it for me, i think she just got it for christmas day and my cheese brain looked at it and said 'that is for me. all of it shall be eaten by me alone' the fact that i'm fairly lactose intolerant doesn't bother me at all. the time i spend on the toilet with stomach cramps is time well spent if it's in the name of cheese.

i'm going to continue this when i'm not tired/ watching the office. i'm watching it right now and i'm in a smiley smiley coma