Thursday 25 April 2013
a journal of annoyances
i'm sure i've written about this before (ULTIMATE IRONY) but i have writer's block and also my dissertation to write. have six days to write 2000 - 3500 words (depending on how much i decide i'm going to try and reach the max word count) and absolutely no ideas. not one. my head is a balloon with a face drawn on it. it is full of air and a bit of spit. i am fed the fuck up. i currently look like this:
in the past five days when i've attempting to write i've written a few pages of very questionable quality, perfected putting on my eyeliner, watched half a season of csi, made bolognese, cleared out my wardrobe, trimmed my hair, watched an entire two series of game of thrones, slept in until midday every day and been furious the majority of my waking hours. i'm also pretty sure i'm developing a rash from stress, or maybe it's because i've trimmed my hair and i'm sitting in a pile of hair and it's gotten into my tights. you never know. also i've got spots on my chest because i'm stressed. also i have a constant stomach ache because i'm stressed. basically i'm a black hole of stress and i'm about to collapse inwards on myself like a dying star. my dad is hoovering loudly on the landing outside my room and banging loudly on the door with the hoover, possibly to get crumbs out of the door jamb (?) but most likely just to irritate me. he's now gotten something stuck in the hoover and it sounds like a dog dying of heatstroke in a car. i am at the limit. if i don't come up with a good idea soon i'm going to explode. i cleverly thought 'aha! i'll write a plot outline, that way i'll know what to write and it'll be structured! why have i never done this before?! this is great!' and then realised i've never done it before because when i write it is completely unplanned until i get a great idea. apparently telling myself i have to write a specific thing has accessed the belligerence cortex in my brain and i am completely stumped. it is just not happening at all. i keep hoping a great idea will pop into my head like it usually does but NOTHING. writer's block is just proper shit.
Tuesday 23 April 2013
samantha brick v.s. women
perusing the xojane website this morning, as i am wont to do when i have work i should be doing (dissertation), i came across an article concerning samantha brick's latest article in the daily mail. i remembered back to september or whenever when she graced us with her glorious article about how difficult it was to be bedazzlingly beautiful like she was, and i sniggered. that article was funny! i mean, not intentionally, but it was hilarious because this woman was so bizarre and self-aggrandizing that it was farcical. the article was self-contained, it didn't put forward any ideas, it just remarked casually on how samantha brick is a living goddess made flesh or whatever she was pissing on about. but then i read this article. it was published about a week ago (forgive me, i don't really keep up with the daily mail) but i just got around to reading it now. and i am FURIOUS.
samantha brick has seen fit to declare that 'there is nothing in life that signifies failure better than fat'. she talks about her university years where she 'invented the polo diet' wherein she would eat a only a packet of polos for breakfast and dinner. she stopped only because of the damage her dentist warned her she was doing her teeth. she states that her husband threatens to divorce her if she gains any weight. a picture of him establishes that this is not a threat that goes both ways across the relationship because he is not thin himself. samantha farts on in this egregious 'skinny is better than anything' mentality for a while, casually throwing up facts about her dieting habits which are clearly signifying an eating disorder or at least an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food. she says a boss will not promote a 'bulging sack in danger of imminent cardiac arrest' because you know, they might do a mr creosote and just explode. this illustrates her complete failure to understand anything about the human body.
one of the faux concerns levelled at fat people is often that of health; aren't they worried what they're doing to their body? aren't they unhealthy? while it's 'very kind' that people are concerned with the health of others (not) you don't see people doing that to smokers. giving them sideways looks and giggling. saying 'can you imagine what her lungs look like?? errr!' you don't see people being rude about thin people who order cheeseburgers. cheeseburgers are just as unhealthy for a thin person as they are for a fat person, but no 'concerns' or judgements are passed off on somebody who is not visibly fat. let me tell you, a person who is skinny is not definitively healthy and a person who is fat is not definitively unhealthy. it's just basic stuff. you can swim a mile a day, have wonderful health, and be fat. what you can't do is eat two packets of polos a day, be skinny, and claim that that's fine. that is absolutely not fine. that is a terrible way to treat your body. by glorifying the way she has treated her body, samantha brick is promoting a really really unhealthy way to live. it might seem that she is just being cosmopolitan or something, but she's doing something really toxic. she's taking her own issues with food and appetite and applying them to everybody. does everybody feel at their best when they're thin? no. does everybody find hunger pangs reassuring? absolutely not. does everybody feel this way? no, no, no and no. what samantha has done to her body is hugely unhealthy, so she doesn't get to play the 'you're unhealthy because you're fat' card because that is complete hypocrisy. what she has a problem with is not health at all, it's an individual's relationship to food.
my personal relationship with food (this is my blog, i get to say stuff about me, so there) in my teen years was tumultuous. i spent the years between 14 and probably until i was 20 feeling fat. fat here does not necessarily mean fat; it was a synonym. a synonym for greedy, for undesirable, for not good enough. there was so much more to my attitude towards my body than actual weight, or god forbid health. like so many girls of that age, i dieted, i went to the gym, i criticised myself constantly. because feeling good enough is only something you can decide you will do, not something you earn through being thin. i could only feel like there was more to do, more to work on, not that the way i looked was satisfactory. what samantha brick is saying about the way in which she approaches her diet and her body is totally familiar to me. i remember feeling like being thin was one of the greatest things i could achieve. i did lose some weight and for a time i was a smallish size dress and i honestly don't remember feeling any better than i do now. i never felt blissful just sitting on the sofa being thin. looking at myself in the mirror was still seeing myself, but a bit thinner. there wasn't any reverence, no ringing bells, no fireworks. i was just a bit thinner. obviously samantha brick has enjoyed being thin, but she doesn't write at any point about her achievement. about what she's done, what her years of self-control have brought her. because even though she knows it's important to her, she knows that she's not actually working towards anything. she hasn't achieved anything, she's just been thin. she's not impressed with herself, she's not proud of her body, she's just hyper-aware and vigilant that she doesn't dare slip up and indulge herself with some delicious human food because god forbid she enjoy herself. pleasure for a woman, you have to remember, is revolting. the idea that a woman could eat what she wants, enjoy herself, put on and love herself the exact same way at any weight to samantha brick is utterly disgusting.
bad enough is her attitude towards herself, but throughout the article she applies it to the entirety of the female gender. 'any woman who wants to be beautiful needs to diet every day of her life.' excuse you but i think i'm beautiful and i'm sure as fuck not on a diet. i had a slice of cake for breakfast this morning; i feel pretty good about it. i haven't been on the exercise bike since last week because i've got more important shit to do. i only even go on the exercise bike because i like watching tv while i run and also i love adrenaline because it makes me bonkers happy. i don't exercise because i feel obliged to to be thin, i do it because i enjoy it, it makes me happy. what samantha is promoting is not purely the pursuit of being thin, it's rigorous self-control and pleasure denial. the same way that women get criticised for openly enjoying sex, women shouldn't be seen to openly indulge themselves. i know this, and i'm happy with ignoring the fuck out of what she says, but some women will read this article and they will feel guilty. they will agree with her. they will continue to self-flagellate for no reason and criticise those who don't. samantha says 'i don't believe that overweight is ever attractive' for which we can award her:
that's her personal opinion. in a normal world, you can just say to that: ok samantha brick, then don't date a fat person. *claps hands* ok we're done, move on. but what she's saying is, i think it because it's true. not only do i have to have this personal belief, i have to make sure that everybody knows i think it, and that people agree with me. apparently, 'we live in an age and a part of the world where men and women regard thin as beautiful'. oh ok then. that's just how it is. samantha brick has talked to every human on the continent and they all agreed with her. oh wait, duh, no. she's saying that contemporary media heralds the idea of being thin as being a good thing. it's a visual standard that everyone is scrutinized by because it's apparently important. apparently 'men prefer slim women'. that obviously doesn't include all the men who don't prefer slim women. you don't just get to make a blanket statement about what is attractive and what is not samantha brick, because there is no universal standard. the media may want there to be, but guess what, that's because they are selling a lifestyle for you to buy with your money. if there was more money in shaming thin people and making them pay to get fat they'd do that. it is not about thinness at all, it is about currency. just because you've taken this ideal on board and are perpetuating it personally does not mean that it is for everyone. some people don't like the idea that they should starve themselves or be thin, because they don't want to be. you don't have the right to shame them for that. if a woman feels sexy in her fat body you don't have to right to say she isn't, because that is how she feels so that is how she is. deal with it.
i would be remiss if i didn't end this tirade of fury on another personal note (my blog, don't care). i personally feel like this obsession with women's weights is just another way to distract them from doing all the fantastic things they are fully capable of doing. women in our culture are raised with a much greater sense of shame and humility than men. they're raised to be embarassed of their sexuality, and of their bodies. women aren't supposed to like sex, it's dirty! and they can't enjoy food, that's greedy! fuck that noise. my self-worth doesn't reside in the way my body looks. my body is my castle, it's my temple. it is strong, stronger than it may seem, and strong in many ways. it supports me, it is warm and soft and it is where i live. it is my dominion and i will not have anybody telling me what to do with it. you don't get to decide that i have no self-respect because being thin is not a priority i have. i have self-respect. i want to accomplish good things, i want to be kind and help people. i want to touch people with what i write. i have ambitions that lie far outside the realm of my body, my body is simply what i will use to punch you in your self-righteous face. that said, while i'm incredibly angry at you samantha brick, i also feel incredibly sorry for you. the standards you place on yourself are just that; self-imposed. they're reinforced by your obvious dickwad husband, by the media in which you work, but they're entirely your choice. nothing would make me happier than to see you pick up a big sandwich with a grin on your face and say 'i want this. i deserve this. i love my body and i want to be happy' but i don't think you're ready to do that yet. i'm in the business of self-love samantha brick. you might not like that, you might think that i'm undisciplined, i'm fat, i'm unnattractive and i'm just a big failure of a human being. but when you're ready to admit that women deserve to be whoever they want to be without judgement, to love their bodies, i'll be right here, and i'll have a cheeseburger with you and give you a hug.
samantha brick has seen fit to declare that 'there is nothing in life that signifies failure better than fat'. she talks about her university years where she 'invented the polo diet' wherein she would eat a only a packet of polos for breakfast and dinner. she stopped only because of the damage her dentist warned her she was doing her teeth. she states that her husband threatens to divorce her if she gains any weight. a picture of him establishes that this is not a threat that goes both ways across the relationship because he is not thin himself. samantha farts on in this egregious 'skinny is better than anything' mentality for a while, casually throwing up facts about her dieting habits which are clearly signifying an eating disorder or at least an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food. she says a boss will not promote a 'bulging sack in danger of imminent cardiac arrest' because you know, they might do a mr creosote and just explode. this illustrates her complete failure to understand anything about the human body.
one of the faux concerns levelled at fat people is often that of health; aren't they worried what they're doing to their body? aren't they unhealthy? while it's 'very kind' that people are concerned with the health of others (not) you don't see people doing that to smokers. giving them sideways looks and giggling. saying 'can you imagine what her lungs look like?? errr!' you don't see people being rude about thin people who order cheeseburgers. cheeseburgers are just as unhealthy for a thin person as they are for a fat person, but no 'concerns' or judgements are passed off on somebody who is not visibly fat. let me tell you, a person who is skinny is not definitively healthy and a person who is fat is not definitively unhealthy. it's just basic stuff. you can swim a mile a day, have wonderful health, and be fat. what you can't do is eat two packets of polos a day, be skinny, and claim that that's fine. that is absolutely not fine. that is a terrible way to treat your body. by glorifying the way she has treated her body, samantha brick is promoting a really really unhealthy way to live. it might seem that she is just being cosmopolitan or something, but she's doing something really toxic. she's taking her own issues with food and appetite and applying them to everybody. does everybody feel at their best when they're thin? no. does everybody find hunger pangs reassuring? absolutely not. does everybody feel this way? no, no, no and no. what samantha has done to her body is hugely unhealthy, so she doesn't get to play the 'you're unhealthy because you're fat' card because that is complete hypocrisy. what she has a problem with is not health at all, it's an individual's relationship to food.
my personal relationship with food (this is my blog, i get to say stuff about me, so there) in my teen years was tumultuous. i spent the years between 14 and probably until i was 20 feeling fat. fat here does not necessarily mean fat; it was a synonym. a synonym for greedy, for undesirable, for not good enough. there was so much more to my attitude towards my body than actual weight, or god forbid health. like so many girls of that age, i dieted, i went to the gym, i criticised myself constantly. because feeling good enough is only something you can decide you will do, not something you earn through being thin. i could only feel like there was more to do, more to work on, not that the way i looked was satisfactory. what samantha brick is saying about the way in which she approaches her diet and her body is totally familiar to me. i remember feeling like being thin was one of the greatest things i could achieve. i did lose some weight and for a time i was a smallish size dress and i honestly don't remember feeling any better than i do now. i never felt blissful just sitting on the sofa being thin. looking at myself in the mirror was still seeing myself, but a bit thinner. there wasn't any reverence, no ringing bells, no fireworks. i was just a bit thinner. obviously samantha brick has enjoyed being thin, but she doesn't write at any point about her achievement. about what she's done, what her years of self-control have brought her. because even though she knows it's important to her, she knows that she's not actually working towards anything. she hasn't achieved anything, she's just been thin. she's not impressed with herself, she's not proud of her body, she's just hyper-aware and vigilant that she doesn't dare slip up and indulge herself with some delicious human food because god forbid she enjoy herself. pleasure for a woman, you have to remember, is revolting. the idea that a woman could eat what she wants, enjoy herself, put on and love herself the exact same way at any weight to samantha brick is utterly disgusting.
bad enough is her attitude towards herself, but throughout the article she applies it to the entirety of the female gender. 'any woman who wants to be beautiful needs to diet every day of her life.' excuse you but i think i'm beautiful and i'm sure as fuck not on a diet. i had a slice of cake for breakfast this morning; i feel pretty good about it. i haven't been on the exercise bike since last week because i've got more important shit to do. i only even go on the exercise bike because i like watching tv while i run and also i love adrenaline because it makes me bonkers happy. i don't exercise because i feel obliged to to be thin, i do it because i enjoy it, it makes me happy. what samantha is promoting is not purely the pursuit of being thin, it's rigorous self-control and pleasure denial. the same way that women get criticised for openly enjoying sex, women shouldn't be seen to openly indulge themselves. i know this, and i'm happy with ignoring the fuck out of what she says, but some women will read this article and they will feel guilty. they will agree with her. they will continue to self-flagellate for no reason and criticise those who don't. samantha says 'i don't believe that overweight is ever attractive' for which we can award her:
that's her personal opinion. in a normal world, you can just say to that: ok samantha brick, then don't date a fat person. *claps hands* ok we're done, move on. but what she's saying is, i think it because it's true. not only do i have to have this personal belief, i have to make sure that everybody knows i think it, and that people agree with me. apparently, 'we live in an age and a part of the world where men and women regard thin as beautiful'. oh ok then. that's just how it is. samantha brick has talked to every human on the continent and they all agreed with her. oh wait, duh, no. she's saying that contemporary media heralds the idea of being thin as being a good thing. it's a visual standard that everyone is scrutinized by because it's apparently important. apparently 'men prefer slim women'. that obviously doesn't include all the men who don't prefer slim women. you don't just get to make a blanket statement about what is attractive and what is not samantha brick, because there is no universal standard. the media may want there to be, but guess what, that's because they are selling a lifestyle for you to buy with your money. if there was more money in shaming thin people and making them pay to get fat they'd do that. it is not about thinness at all, it is about currency. just because you've taken this ideal on board and are perpetuating it personally does not mean that it is for everyone. some people don't like the idea that they should starve themselves or be thin, because they don't want to be. you don't have the right to shame them for that. if a woman feels sexy in her fat body you don't have to right to say she isn't, because that is how she feels so that is how she is. deal with it.
i would be remiss if i didn't end this tirade of fury on another personal note (my blog, don't care). i personally feel like this obsession with women's weights is just another way to distract them from doing all the fantastic things they are fully capable of doing. women in our culture are raised with a much greater sense of shame and humility than men. they're raised to be embarassed of their sexuality, and of their bodies. women aren't supposed to like sex, it's dirty! and they can't enjoy food, that's greedy! fuck that noise. my self-worth doesn't reside in the way my body looks. my body is my castle, it's my temple. it is strong, stronger than it may seem, and strong in many ways. it supports me, it is warm and soft and it is where i live. it is my dominion and i will not have anybody telling me what to do with it. you don't get to decide that i have no self-respect because being thin is not a priority i have. i have self-respect. i want to accomplish good things, i want to be kind and help people. i want to touch people with what i write. i have ambitions that lie far outside the realm of my body, my body is simply what i will use to punch you in your self-righteous face. that said, while i'm incredibly angry at you samantha brick, i also feel incredibly sorry for you. the standards you place on yourself are just that; self-imposed. they're reinforced by your obvious dickwad husband, by the media in which you work, but they're entirely your choice. nothing would make me happier than to see you pick up a big sandwich with a grin on your face and say 'i want this. i deserve this. i love my body and i want to be happy' but i don't think you're ready to do that yet. i'm in the business of self-love samantha brick. you might not like that, you might think that i'm undisciplined, i'm fat, i'm unnattractive and i'm just a big failure of a human being. but when you're ready to admit that women deserve to be whoever they want to be without judgement, to love their bodies, i'll be right here, and i'll have a cheeseburger with you and give you a hug.
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