from the moment i awoke this morning, i was filled with a peculiar and terrible dread. i made myself my morning coffee, toddled into the bathroom to assess the hair situation (terrible) and got dressed. all the while, suffering severe ennui. oh yes. today was the day i was in charge of the games basement in HMV. i got my job back yesterday, after the cold-shoulder brush off at christmas, and i have become a greasy basement dwelling nerd. i went in at nine and left at half five having spent the whole day with only fluorescent lighting, stickers and ugly people of various degrees for company. today was never, ever going to be good. i nearly feel asleep on the metro home from the weight of my responsibilities. i was literally the only person in there all day. it's hardly busy, it's deserted if anything, but the point was that i was in charge. i tasted the heady brew of power and it did not sit well in my belly. as soon as i got in, my legs became unusable and i had to drag myself about my tasks like a baboon. do you know how hard it is to make a paella and a coffee and hold yourself at the same time? lies, you don't.
tomorrow, i have to pack all of my bedroom in order to move out of home on saturday. i have such fear for this. even though it's only three metro stops away from home, it still gives me the fear. wah wah wah, i am a wimp.
confessions of a shopaholics may, surprisingly, be one of the worse movies i've seen. it's just cliche after stereotype after predictable women-love-shopping joke after heart-warming ending. plus the english character has the cold wet eyes of a toad, and even less charisma, which makes me feel like my people are being misrepresented. why didn't they just give him a set of comedy disgusting dentures like austin powers and get it over with? sitting in bed with a huge bottle of water and a shit film is calming me down slightly anyway. my room and things all being in a jumble stressed me out. being stressed may be my most honed and expansive ability. i can become stressed about the smallest thing in less than 0.3 seconds. i'm too tired to think of anything else to say, i'm going to go to bed byeeee
Wednesday 30 June 2010
Wednesday 23 June 2010
the only thing
better than being in a room that feels like a reptile house with heat lamps is having hayfever. the use of one nostril to breathe in stuffy air is putting a cherry on my night. usually when this happens i make my famous concoction of three packets of lemsip and a dollop of night nurse mixed to a viscous consistency in a shot glass and downed in one. the combination of decongestants and what i can only assume is a chemical cousin of LSD really make me stop caring about whether i can breathe or not and send me to sleep for seventeen hours. but i'm at my boyfriend's house and i have none of the above so i'm scuppered. not being able to breathe out of one side of my nose has always made me irrationally angry, and i don't see that changing in the forseeable future. it's too hot to sleep, which isn't something i should be able to say, living in england and all. it's not something i particularly want to be able to say, as i flourish in mild and rainy conditions. like a fern.
what i am saying is that, if i am in my reptile house room, it doesn't make me a reptile that likes the reptile house, it makes me a mouse trapped in the reptile house waiting to cook to death.
i don't care if that doesn't make sense because i'm TOO FUCKING HOT
what i am saying is that, if i am in my reptile house room, it doesn't make me a reptile that likes the reptile house, it makes me a mouse trapped in the reptile house waiting to cook to death.
i don't care if that doesn't make sense because i'm TOO FUCKING HOT
Sunday 20 June 2010
ohhhhhhhhhh
IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN
things that annoy me vol. 98749874
+ sex and the city. it's so mind-numbingly boring. being a member of its target audience, i have to say, target MISSED. do i really want to watch pretendy women wearing ridiculous clothes, screwing half their hometown and talking about it over ridiculous drinks? no! sex and the city, a tale of 'female empowerment and sexual liberation' (snigger) is written by a man. how can that be right? the main one, the one that looks like a demon horse, is apparently always doing articles about sex in new york, but it's actually by a man. really lends a real natural feel to it i think. sex and the city can gargle cat piss because it's atrocious. it's like grown-up twilight.
+ really heavy geordie accents. i've lived in newcastle for about 98% of my life and i can't make heads or arses of them. i constantly embarass myself with the pub regulars where i work by looking at them like i'm deaf and insane while they say the same thing over and over. i go red (i can feel it on the tips of my ears) and say something awkward and go about getting them the wrong drink. i loathe this. it only sounds horribly upper-middle class of me because it is. i'm just being a tool.
+ justin bieber. wow i really have hit some cultural hotspots recently eh? justin beiber, twilight, sex and the city... it's obviously easy to say you hate all of these things, but sometimes it just feels good to affirm it. like a power chant or something. well i do hate justin bieber. he's like a tiny evil brunette ellen degeneres and i don't like his stupid music. 'and i was like baby, baby, baby oooohh, i was like baby, baby, baby nooooo' what is that. no.
+ the fact that i never use this blog for writing the way i mean to, because i started it to try and do fiction but i haven't done it since last year. i have a good idea brewing though, you'll see. it's a doozy too, so watch this space! not this one exactly, obviously, what are you, daft?
+ metro/ bus fares. they are exorbitantly high. i spend about £3.5o every time i want to get somewhere, and frankly, i'm not quite ready to start cycling everywhere. it gives me the mad red face and i get this awful sweaty bit on my back.. but i digress. either way, bus fares need to go down. i'm sure petrol prices are awful and everything, but jeez.
+ waterstones now quite literally has a ... wait for it..
are you ready? i don't think you are...
DARK ROMANCE section.
i know.
what the everloving hell is that supposed to mean? it should be called the cashcow section.
+ people who criticise jemina pearl's solo album for being pop. it really annoys me that when an artist releases an album it isn't seen as an experiment, a single album any more. it becomes their whole image and everyone assumes that's who they are. jemina pearl can't release an experimental fun album after having been in a band since she was 15? that must have been pretty intense and i say that break it up is a great record, it's catchy, clever and FUN. i know music snobbery has no room for fun because fun isn't hip or cool, but i don't see why jemina pearl has to have her whole image re-evaluated just because she released a different type of album than she has done before. so she's done a poppy record and that means she can't ever do anything else ever again. fuck that. i say, if thurston moore and iggy pop will touch it, it's really more than good enough for me. i also say, for people who are supposed to be open-minded, critics just don't have a clue sometimes.
+ stupid pretentious people who wear pretendy glasses. you know, plastic frames with plastic lenses? at least try and stare into the sun for a few hours to damage your eyes enough so that you need the huge nana frames. commit a bit harder to being hipsters.
+ knowing that i need to be up early, and thus not being able to sleep because i know i'll be up early. thus spending three hours playing games until the early morning, getting four hours sleep and then complaining all day that i'm tired. i was pretty sure that if i kept doing it, nature would kick in some kind of biological imperative to make me tired earlier, but evidently not.
+ the huge amount of websites there are. i think there's too many.
+ what does NOT annoy me however is this video: http://vimeo.com/11712103
because sloths are adorable and cannot annoy me. even when they chew with their mouths open, and usually that makes me queasy. no, i just stare into the gaping maw of gooey half-chewed potato, and i swoon.
+ not eating bread or pasta. my two favourite foods.
+ speaking of food, i'm hungry.
i feel slightly bad about complaining so much, but henry rollins said 'nothing brings people together more than a mutual hatred' so i like to think i'm bringing people closer together.
things that don't annoy me vol. 2
+ looking at the end of my bed and having a shelf and a dresser there covered in my books, cd's and assorted things. it just cheers me up.
+ the fact that i don't have work tomorrow. yessssss.
+ the fact that i am actually going to start writing again soon. yippee!
+ damien rice. I SAID IT, I LIKE DAMIEN RICE. know who else i like? louis theroux. he's both informative and funny. and i like con air. feeling quite uplifted now. i might go and have some muesli, but i probably won't, because it's in the kitchen, and i am not. dilemma.
things that annoy me vol. 98749874
+ sex and the city. it's so mind-numbingly boring. being a member of its target audience, i have to say, target MISSED. do i really want to watch pretendy women wearing ridiculous clothes, screwing half their hometown and talking about it over ridiculous drinks? no! sex and the city, a tale of 'female empowerment and sexual liberation' (snigger) is written by a man. how can that be right? the main one, the one that looks like a demon horse, is apparently always doing articles about sex in new york, but it's actually by a man. really lends a real natural feel to it i think. sex and the city can gargle cat piss because it's atrocious. it's like grown-up twilight.
+ really heavy geordie accents. i've lived in newcastle for about 98% of my life and i can't make heads or arses of them. i constantly embarass myself with the pub regulars where i work by looking at them like i'm deaf and insane while they say the same thing over and over. i go red (i can feel it on the tips of my ears) and say something awkward and go about getting them the wrong drink. i loathe this. it only sounds horribly upper-middle class of me because it is. i'm just being a tool.
+ justin bieber. wow i really have hit some cultural hotspots recently eh? justin beiber, twilight, sex and the city... it's obviously easy to say you hate all of these things, but sometimes it just feels good to affirm it. like a power chant or something. well i do hate justin bieber. he's like a tiny evil brunette ellen degeneres and i don't like his stupid music. 'and i was like baby, baby, baby oooohh, i was like baby, baby, baby nooooo' what is that. no.
+ the fact that i never use this blog for writing the way i mean to, because i started it to try and do fiction but i haven't done it since last year. i have a good idea brewing though, you'll see. it's a doozy too, so watch this space! not this one exactly, obviously, what are you, daft?
+ metro/ bus fares. they are exorbitantly high. i spend about £3.5o every time i want to get somewhere, and frankly, i'm not quite ready to start cycling everywhere. it gives me the mad red face and i get this awful sweaty bit on my back.. but i digress. either way, bus fares need to go down. i'm sure petrol prices are awful and everything, but jeez.
+ waterstones now quite literally has a ... wait for it..
are you ready? i don't think you are...
DARK ROMANCE section.
i know.
what the everloving hell is that supposed to mean? it should be called the cashcow section.
+ people who criticise jemina pearl's solo album for being pop. it really annoys me that when an artist releases an album it isn't seen as an experiment, a single album any more. it becomes their whole image and everyone assumes that's who they are. jemina pearl can't release an experimental fun album after having been in a band since she was 15? that must have been pretty intense and i say that break it up is a great record, it's catchy, clever and FUN. i know music snobbery has no room for fun because fun isn't hip or cool, but i don't see why jemina pearl has to have her whole image re-evaluated just because she released a different type of album than she has done before. so she's done a poppy record and that means she can't ever do anything else ever again. fuck that. i say, if thurston moore and iggy pop will touch it, it's really more than good enough for me. i also say, for people who are supposed to be open-minded, critics just don't have a clue sometimes.
+ stupid pretentious people who wear pretendy glasses. you know, plastic frames with plastic lenses? at least try and stare into the sun for a few hours to damage your eyes enough so that you need the huge nana frames. commit a bit harder to being hipsters.
+ knowing that i need to be up early, and thus not being able to sleep because i know i'll be up early. thus spending three hours playing games until the early morning, getting four hours sleep and then complaining all day that i'm tired. i was pretty sure that if i kept doing it, nature would kick in some kind of biological imperative to make me tired earlier, but evidently not.
+ the huge amount of websites there are. i think there's too many.
+ what does NOT annoy me however is this video: http://vimeo.com/11712103
because sloths are adorable and cannot annoy me. even when they chew with their mouths open, and usually that makes me queasy. no, i just stare into the gaping maw of gooey half-chewed potato, and i swoon.
+ not eating bread or pasta. my two favourite foods.
+ speaking of food, i'm hungry.
i feel slightly bad about complaining so much, but henry rollins said 'nothing brings people together more than a mutual hatred' so i like to think i'm bringing people closer together.
things that don't annoy me vol. 2
+ looking at the end of my bed and having a shelf and a dresser there covered in my books, cd's and assorted things. it just cheers me up.
+ the fact that i don't have work tomorrow. yessssss.
+ the fact that i am actually going to start writing again soon. yippee!
+ damien rice. I SAID IT, I LIKE DAMIEN RICE. know who else i like? louis theroux. he's both informative and funny. and i like con air. feeling quite uplifted now. i might go and have some muesli, but i probably won't, because it's in the kitchen, and i am not. dilemma.
Wednesday 16 June 2010
I AM BORED
i hate twilight. i know this is unprecedented and obviously a suprise since i never discuss my opinions on twilight (fnar) but i feel like getting it off my chest a bit.
the four book series has reached critical acclaim with a majority audience of females aged born to dead. most non-fans of the books approach fans with a tentative fear and loathing. rarely before has a fantasy novel created such a divisive social context; stephenie meyer has unwittingly unleashed upon us an interesting dichotomy: the fan versus the anti-fan. speaking personally as an anti-fan, it is easy to call my views biased, because they are. of course they are. remaining objective when it comes to literature is nay impossible, and if i am honest, i don't like fantasy or romance novels. a combination of the two makes my brain feel like a bag of wet mice. however i realised that overall, twilight's themes are what are the most subliminally threatening. the plot arrives nearly four hundred pages in like a drunk friend at a party, the peculiar and not partically correct use of adjectives ('his scintillating arms' being one of them), the lack of explanation for phenomena in the book due to meyer's inability to be either well-versed in scientific theory (she's a mormon, duh) or write as an omniscient guide explaining things the characters themselves may not necessarily know if even just for explanation's sake. no, the thing that frightens me most about twilight is the underlying theme of abuse/dominance in the romantic relationship between bella and edward. barf.
- at this point, i would like to disclaim: i have read twilight from front to back. the first book anyway. my opinions are valid -
when bella and edward first meet, he is practically unable to mask his contempt for her. she however immediately gets the swoon of all swoons for him. she wants a man who finds her repulsive? oh yeah. that's not indicative of serious self-loathing or lack of self-worth at all. then, after something like a few days, edward realises that, silly him! he was just confusing deep-seated hatred with all-consuming love again! they get together, bler bler bler, many disgusting descriptive paragraphs ensue, and bella is eventually pretty much determined to be a vampire. worrying enough as it is that bella seems to withdraw from her friends and mute herself to follow edward blindly and keep his secret, she also wants him to literally take away her humanity (i very nearly swore there, but for the integrity of my point to remain, i shan't.) isn't that a dangerous idea? girls my age, older, and younger all seem to think it's a love story. it's not. it's a passive aggressive nigh-terrifying encounter with obsessive love. edward's behaviour includes watching bella sleep, stalking her and controlling who she can talk to. in real life, that kind of behaviour is sex offender material, not boyfriend material. not only that, but he berates her for physically desiring him. scary abstinence punishment much? bella follows him like an idiot while he occasionally casts her a backwards glance to make sure she's still his property and she adores him. teaching young girls that twilight has a happy ending is teaching them that sacrificing your happiness and control over your own life in order to please an abusive lover. it's dangerous! 'As I had just that once before, I smelled his cool breath in my face. Sweet, delicious, the scent made my mouth water' does that sound like something a normal person should be saying? hell nah.
stephenie meyer herself has admitted that twilight is one of her fantasies. not surprising at all, seeing that bella has a photo-fit description that matches meyer to a t. meyer's mormonism is a common topic, seeing as mormonism is a very male-dominated religion in which polygamy is acceptable. it seems that the lack of female empowerment in mormonism has trickled through the twilight series. bella's an idiot, if i'm quite frank. when her boyfriend leaves her, she throws herself off a cliff to try and make him love her again. that's really not the kind of thing that should be classed as ok.
by the way, even if edward was the lovesick one and bella was the distant one, i would have the same opinion. relationships should not have a leader and a follower. it doesn't matter which gender follows which role, it's equally as unhealthy. i'm not being super-feminist and saying WOMEN SHOULDN'T FOLLOW MEN, i'm saying that relationships like the one in this book are dangerous and very bad for people.
bella is an odd character, situated half-way between the perfect girl next door type, and a mystical fairy or something. i don't know, i didn't read it too closely sometimes. she's always on about how clumsy she is, because it's her one foible. and no-one in the book is allowed to be perfect, an adonis, a god, jesus incarnate in sparkly skin himself other than edward cullen. it's pretty obvious in the writing that lots of people want bella. in the first book alone, there's five boys who actively adore her. but noooo, she only wants what's bad for her. does that sound like a repressed mormon girl, or does that sound like a repressed mormon girl. edward himself is pretty dumb. he contradicts himself constantly, not to mention is a total creeper because he's about a century older than bella. he keeps telling her to stay away from him, and then sneaking in her room and watching her sleep. er, what? evidently they're made for each other because they're both stupid as planks. it also irritates me that edward goes on multiple times about how much he wants to chow down on bella's blood and she doesn't find this remotely creepy. he acts like she's wearing bacon perfume or something and goes I WANT TO EAT YOU and she swoons. evidently a deficiency of self-preservation is in this season.
can't be bothered to make rational arguments. statistics time!
number of times bella remarks on edward's beauty: 165
average amount of pages between uses of the word 'chagrin': 29.3
number of times bella comments on the beauty of edward's breath: 4
number of creepy werewolves who fall in love with newborn babies: 1
number of times bella references her clumsiness: 22
number of times bella says she isn't good enough for edward: 6
number of times edward tells bella she's unnatural: 5
number of times bella says 'holy crow!': 2
number of pages in book: 498
number of pages in which bella is a doofus: 498
i'm really tired now, so i'll leave you with this one gem:
'His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn't sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal'
at the risk of sounding childish... PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA. i rest my case.
the four book series has reached critical acclaim with a majority audience of females aged born to dead. most non-fans of the books approach fans with a tentative fear and loathing. rarely before has a fantasy novel created such a divisive social context; stephenie meyer has unwittingly unleashed upon us an interesting dichotomy: the fan versus the anti-fan. speaking personally as an anti-fan, it is easy to call my views biased, because they are. of course they are. remaining objective when it comes to literature is nay impossible, and if i am honest, i don't like fantasy or romance novels. a combination of the two makes my brain feel like a bag of wet mice. however i realised that overall, twilight's themes are what are the most subliminally threatening. the plot arrives nearly four hundred pages in like a drunk friend at a party, the peculiar and not partically correct use of adjectives ('his scintillating arms' being one of them), the lack of explanation for phenomena in the book due to meyer's inability to be either well-versed in scientific theory (she's a mormon, duh) or write as an omniscient guide explaining things the characters themselves may not necessarily know if even just for explanation's sake. no, the thing that frightens me most about twilight is the underlying theme of abuse/dominance in the romantic relationship between bella and edward. barf.
- at this point, i would like to disclaim: i have read twilight from front to back. the first book anyway. my opinions are valid -
when bella and edward first meet, he is practically unable to mask his contempt for her. she however immediately gets the swoon of all swoons for him. she wants a man who finds her repulsive? oh yeah. that's not indicative of serious self-loathing or lack of self-worth at all. then, after something like a few days, edward realises that, silly him! he was just confusing deep-seated hatred with all-consuming love again! they get together, bler bler bler, many disgusting descriptive paragraphs ensue, and bella is eventually pretty much determined to be a vampire. worrying enough as it is that bella seems to withdraw from her friends and mute herself to follow edward blindly and keep his secret, she also wants him to literally take away her humanity (i very nearly swore there, but for the integrity of my point to remain, i shan't.) isn't that a dangerous idea? girls my age, older, and younger all seem to think it's a love story. it's not. it's a passive aggressive nigh-terrifying encounter with obsessive love. edward's behaviour includes watching bella sleep, stalking her and controlling who she can talk to. in real life, that kind of behaviour is sex offender material, not boyfriend material. not only that, but he berates her for physically desiring him. scary abstinence punishment much? bella follows him like an idiot while he occasionally casts her a backwards glance to make sure she's still his property and she adores him. teaching young girls that twilight has a happy ending is teaching them that sacrificing your happiness and control over your own life in order to please an abusive lover. it's dangerous! 'As I had just that once before, I smelled his cool breath in my face. Sweet, delicious, the scent made my mouth water' does that sound like something a normal person should be saying? hell nah.
stephenie meyer herself has admitted that twilight is one of her fantasies. not surprising at all, seeing that bella has a photo-fit description that matches meyer to a t. meyer's mormonism is a common topic, seeing as mormonism is a very male-dominated religion in which polygamy is acceptable. it seems that the lack of female empowerment in mormonism has trickled through the twilight series. bella's an idiot, if i'm quite frank. when her boyfriend leaves her, she throws herself off a cliff to try and make him love her again. that's really not the kind of thing that should be classed as ok.
by the way, even if edward was the lovesick one and bella was the distant one, i would have the same opinion. relationships should not have a leader and a follower. it doesn't matter which gender follows which role, it's equally as unhealthy. i'm not being super-feminist and saying WOMEN SHOULDN'T FOLLOW MEN, i'm saying that relationships like the one in this book are dangerous and very bad for people.
bella is an odd character, situated half-way between the perfect girl next door type, and a mystical fairy or something. i don't know, i didn't read it too closely sometimes. she's always on about how clumsy she is, because it's her one foible. and no-one in the book is allowed to be perfect, an adonis, a god, jesus incarnate in sparkly skin himself other than edward cullen. it's pretty obvious in the writing that lots of people want bella. in the first book alone, there's five boys who actively adore her. but noooo, she only wants what's bad for her. does that sound like a repressed mormon girl, or does that sound like a repressed mormon girl. edward himself is pretty dumb. he contradicts himself constantly, not to mention is a total creeper because he's about a century older than bella. he keeps telling her to stay away from him, and then sneaking in her room and watching her sleep. er, what? evidently they're made for each other because they're both stupid as planks. it also irritates me that edward goes on multiple times about how much he wants to chow down on bella's blood and she doesn't find this remotely creepy. he acts like she's wearing bacon perfume or something and goes I WANT TO EAT YOU and she swoons. evidently a deficiency of self-preservation is in this season.
can't be bothered to make rational arguments. statistics time!
number of times bella remarks on edward's beauty: 165
average amount of pages between uses of the word 'chagrin': 29.3
number of times bella comments on the beauty of edward's breath: 4
number of creepy werewolves who fall in love with newborn babies: 1
number of times bella references her clumsiness: 22
number of times bella says she isn't good enough for edward: 6
number of times edward tells bella she's unnatural: 5
number of times bella says 'holy crow!': 2
number of pages in book: 498
number of pages in which bella is a doofus: 498
i'm really tired now, so i'll leave you with this one gem:
'His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn't sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal'
at the risk of sounding childish... PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA. i rest my case.
Thursday 10 June 2010
this guy
makes me jealous, i can't even apply eyeliner properly and here he is being a man and doing it insanely perfectly.
http://vimeo.com/11705767
http://vimeo.com/11705767
Monday 7 June 2010
Tuesday 1 June 2010
jhgs
happy day, tidied the house so am sitting in lovely clean living room that i actually swept the floor of.
BEST FIZZY POP
+ cherry 7 up is very delicious but too fizzy ( i am drinking it right now)
+ diet coke, a trusted choice but rather full
+ irn bru makes me jittery with sugar
+ vimto, the daddy of all fizzy pop
+ lilt, vintage but nice
i love fizzy pop with an absolute undying passion, when i started my diet it's the only thing i flat-out refused to give up drinking, apart from coffee. a can of pop is the best thing in the world.
here is a picture from last night. we sat in the park from about 4 til midnight getting continually more and more wrecked. i myself was terrible. came home and threw up loudly and swore inbetween heaves. e.g. hurrrghhhhhFUCKhurrghhhhhh. my boyfriend laughed, because i totally deserved to be laughed at, plus he'd done the same thing a few nights ago so we were in the same boat. altogether, it was a very fun evening. i think i'm going to go and reminisce about the funs and eat chicken noodles.
BEST FIZZY POP
+ cherry 7 up is very delicious but too fizzy ( i am drinking it right now)
+ diet coke, a trusted choice but rather full
+ irn bru makes me jittery with sugar
+ vimto, the daddy of all fizzy pop
+ lilt, vintage but nice
i love fizzy pop with an absolute undying passion, when i started my diet it's the only thing i flat-out refused to give up drinking, apart from coffee. a can of pop is the best thing in the world.
here is a picture from last night. we sat in the park from about 4 til midnight getting continually more and more wrecked. i myself was terrible. came home and threw up loudly and swore inbetween heaves. e.g. hurrrghhhhhFUCKhurrghhhhhh. my boyfriend laughed, because i totally deserved to be laughed at, plus he'd done the same thing a few nights ago so we were in the same boat. altogether, it was a very fun evening. i think i'm going to go and reminisce about the funs and eat chicken noodles.
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