JOURNALISM

i decided a little while ago that my life just wasn't pathetic enough after exhausting drinking alone and crying to the fray, so i joined a dating website. okcupid to be precise. it has taught me many important lessons like that people are terrible and it has boosted my self confidence because people have stopped messaging me entirely despite my profile saying that i drink alone and that i cry to the fray and that my favourite activities are 'THIS IS DUMB. le sigh'. this is what you get in return for true honesty.


this is my personality according to okcupid. i don't know whether to be flattered or not (i'm not).i mean i may be political and 'indie' but my predominant quality is that i'm sloppy. in what sense i don't even know but it doesn't sound very attractive. and also i'm 'passion driven' which i'm assuming is okcupid's way of saying i'm a boning machine. but a compassionate one so fine.
having completed about six hundred stupid questions because i was bored i began to receive messages from people who were for some reason attracted to my profile and here are some of those delightful interactions with my fellow humans (click on them to read further):




as you can see i am quite the catch. i received an email saying i was one of the 'sexiest people on okcupid' which although is quite clearly a ruse to make me pay for a membership i couldn't help feeling a glow of pride: i am one of the most attractive freaks on a website for single losers. YEAH.
i no longer have any desire to live.

kjhkjmsdnm,sd

when i'm not talking about menses (around 10% of the time) i'm thinking introspectively and profoundly (not) about life and more importantly myself in relation to it. sometimes i try and read like self help articles or videos in attempt to better understand my fellow human, which i've realised is futile, because i don't only not understand men, i don't understand anyone at all. i don't know whether that's me overestimating myself wildly or me sticking up a finger proudly and proclaiming that i have no social skills. it's murky water. the fact that i've been housebound all week with a chest infection/ confined to the house by jewish law (lol) means that i've forgotten to talk to humans for like a week. i'm sure for a normal person that'd be finesies but i am not one of you. i'm a bit basic. i've lost my damn train of thought again FUCK

let it flow

*disclaimer: for all of yall who refuse to acknowledge/ do not find funny the existance of and discussion of periods and or feminine hygiene (or in my case lack of therein WUT) i probably wouldn't read this if i were you because maybe you'd faint and need some smelling salts or something*

SO
periods.

every girl you know has them. we have them and they fucking suck a sack of camel dicks. they're different for every girl, some girls are lucky and have 'light' periods for like three days and don't cramp or get hormonal. gonna say right now: i am not one of these girls. i would not be here if i was one of these girls i would be out in a dress holding a cocktail and laughing carelessly while i enjoyed my lack of homicidal thoughts. that is not where we are right now. we are on the opposite end of that spectrum. we're at the end where i'm wearing a bathrobe and crying at toddlers and tiaras. because despite all the ways in which i scream about people who say 'geez are you on your period' i am actually very volatile on the rag. but you know what, you would be too if you had pms (spots, irrational emotional explosions, sore stomach) and a chest infection (sore chest, vomiting up what look like wet green cornflakes). you'd be pissed too. i know i normally hate everything but this is different, this is like everything makes me irrascibly angry and depressed and bound to cry at some point. but let's face it: THIS HAPPENS TO EVERY GIRL. and most boys. i'm pretty sure men have a time of the month also because jeez sometimes they act worse than we do, and for no reason no less. i've lost my train of thought now.
i just hate everything. i'll edit this at some point.