Saturday 24 April 2010

dear l'oreal

whilst using your product to dye my hair with, i noticed something that perturbed me slightly. the conditioner supplied with the hair claimed to make my hair 'cashmere soft'. that was a nice idea. i like cashmere (i think) the words that come to my mind when i think of cashmere are soft and high class. however. i researched cashmere on the internet, because i wasn't sure what it came from. and it turns out.. well, the words that NOW come to mind are soft, high class, and GOAT. oh yes, i know the truth. cashmere wool comes from cashmere goats.
thank you so so much, l'oreal, for making my hair soft like a goat. that sounds like something borat would say. i'm very unimpressed. i put my hair in your hands, and now, not only is it not very red at all, it's also goat-like.
yours,
a severely disappointed customer.

p.s. EIGHT POUNDS. EIGHT FUCKING POUNDS. WHAT, IS IT MADE OUT OF GOLD AND RUBIES OR SOMETHING?

Tuesday 20 April 2010

AHAAAAAAA

A MAN JUST KARATE CHOPPED A PLANK OUTISDE MY WINDOW AHAHAAHA

Monday 19 April 2010

it's been

a whirlwind in my life.
i joined the gym, and have only been once. well done me. i'm going in about an hour though, so mer. i've spent all weekend in a tent with my boyfriend. which was ace, since the tent was in his living room with a tv right in front of it.

my dad got a juicer, so i've been secretly juicing things while he's at work. he hid the instructions so that i couldn't use it, but all that's done is make me more determined to use it, and also more likely to break it trying. i've discovered that i have a natural aptitude for it. i made a strawberry one, and my mum said it was the best smoothie she's ever had. i know that's probably parent hyperbole, but it was still nice of her. but if anyone ever offers you a ham and cheese smoothie? tell them: no dice.




here is a photo of me being excited about my life.








i am also applying for jobseekers allowance, known to our transcontinental friends as being a shiftless failure. so well done me on that point. i need the damn money and i can't find a fucking job! at least i have a mother to tell me that the smoothies i make are delicious.

Wednesday 7 April 2010

well

it's taken two hours, and with the help of sonic youth's 'goo', two j-cloths, bleach and some old joggers, i've scoured the bathroom and also tidied my room. feel pretty good, if not scruffy because i have a pretty good birds nest do and also i stink. sexy.

i had forgotten how much i like watching buffy the vampire slayer, and now i am pretty glad i remember how awesome it is. i was scared to watch it again in case i was remembering it better because i was younger, but it turned out that it's still awesome. i'm glad because there's seven seasons so it'll take me ages to re-watch it. that's time better spent than finding a job.
HEY I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING TO WRITE

'sometimes it seems that these small deviations from routine are the only things that keep us avoiding death. when i wake up i am paralyzed: living, breathing, lying on my bed and existing so loudly. wondering how? every day, every minute, how i have cheated death just by being alive?'
i thought of it in a taxi the other day when going a different route to a friends house, and realising that the different route cheered me up. right, now i really really have to go and shower because i am absolutely rancid.