BAARRGHHHH

i have once again become the sleepless wonder. nytol, a herbal sleeping aid that stinks, has done me no good.
i've been taking my vitamins, and putting lettuce in my food, and doing little pretendy sit ups, and yet i am not the very pinnacle of health itself. why not? it's not fair. i know i'm lazy, but what's the point in being a health freaky type? i mean, i could deny myself chocolate and run a mile every morning (that's entirely hypothetical and on a philosophical basis: i literally could in the sense of the word, but there is no way i actually could) but in the end i'll end up no less dead than if i shot heroin into my eyeballs every day.
i don't think i'll really care about having good muscletone when my corpse is found. there's no degrees of death, are there. if i hit someone in a car, and i am fat and unhealthy and lazy, and they are thin and beautiful and healthy: if we both die they're just as dead as i am. you can't stave off death indefinitely. sure, you'll live longer than me, sure, but i will have so much more fun because i can eat pizza. we'll both die, i'll just die more fulfilled. it isn't fair, because you can spend your life on a treadmill and when you die it doesn't matter at all and you might as well have not.
i'm sure i had an original point i was making then i went off on a tangent. useless though the nytol is, it does make me quite verbally sloppy. i had a half hour rant at my mum about why there is a chance there could be life on other plants. i don't even really believe or care about aliens. i was just doing it for the sake of ranting.

ahh i found my diary from last year, and read through it having not read it since i wrote it. it was freaky. i still find myself hilarious though, a family trait. i updated it, because there was a bit about goals i had, which included GET A JOB and GROW HAIR and GET GOOD A LEVELS. i told past me that i did get good A levels, cut off most of my hair and did get a job which i then did not have anymore. i kind of felt like a failure in past me's eyes.


one of these days i will get around to updating the stuff that i did in my sketchbook to here, but the scanner is downstairs and i am not. you can probably see my dilemma.