blurgh

the black hole of ennui has once again swallowed me. i'm working from 4 until 8 tomorrow, meaning i'll miss my yoga class, and it has tipped me over the proverbial edge. not in a stupid fall-out boy, black hair dye way, just in the sense of fed-up-ness.
university is different than i thought it would be. me and jane were milling over it this morning over mini chicken fajitas --spelt fahjitas on the menu, which upset me-- and nachos. i had naively thought that a degree in creative writing would open the wide world of writing to me, but it turns out our seminars are taught from textbooks. our exercises are done with textbooks. our lecturers are all failed writers who constantly harp on about their 'past success' (allow me a derisive snort) and what shit thing they're working on now. most of the people on the course are drama students who want to write scripts, and i HATE drama students. they're in my top 5 most hated things in all existance list. i imagined my course as a dimly lit, incense smelling mecca of the creative talent of my generation. i imagined berets, literary arguments, tiny leather notebooks for writing down inspirations too important not to be captured immediately, red wine and most of all, fellow book enthusiastists. i got kids fresh from their a levels, drama students, stupid rah idiots, and generally the scum of the earth who don't even enjoy reading. one girl showed us her sex bruises yesterday with absolutely no invitation to do so, and then cackled raucously at her own disturbing lust for violence. sex stories make me wriggly and uncomfortable so i nearly threw up on my notebook. i turned quietly to daniel and said
'make her stop daniel.'
'i don't think i can.'
'jesus wept.'

but, just to keep things in perspective, i enjoy the poetry, most of the assignments, most of the booklist and most of the literature lectures. especially the ones on themes, which are excellent. it's not a bad course, i'm just very anti-social and have a low tolerance for people who enjoy drama. but i am biased, and a snob. i consider 99% of people to be living dirt, so my opinion is moot.

anyway, i am feeling fed uppy. i think i might dye my hair purple to cheer myself up, just because i can. or just sit and read blogs and eat ritz crackers straight out of the box. or shave away my winter leg hair that is accumulating very fast. or do an improv dance routine in my room, if it isn't too arctic. or buy something small off the internet. or draw a full sleeve on my arm of cats. we'll see. i know i'll have to have a shower though, because i went to the gym and collapsed afterwards without showering, which is decidedly manky.